thonders

new blog

2011-11-08T17:15:00.001-06:00

started a new blog for anyone following.
(if there is anyone following.)
iamperipheral.wordpress.com

2011-04-01T09:21:00.001-05:00

i like nonsense.
it wakes up the brain cells.

dr. seuss

wow

2010-11-15T15:59:00.000-06:00

Casteller from Mike Randolph on Vimeo.

inclusion

2010-11-04T09:43:00.000-05:00

tell me and i'll forget
show me and i'll remember
involve me and i'll understand.

confucius

paper

2010-10-29T14:42:00.000-05:00

Jeremy Messersmith - Tatooine from Eric Power on Vimeo.

visual journey

2010-10-28T11:46:00.001-05:00

CLOSE UP AND PRIVATE IN MOTION from Noriko Okaku on Vimeo.

never know

2010-10-21T09:56:00.000-05:00

don't forget who are
because you never know
what you'll be.

unknown

it's not, but

2010-10-11T14:18:00.001-05:00

it’s not what we eat
but what we digest
that makes us strong;
not what we gain
but what we save
that makes us rich;
not what we read
but what we remember
that makes us learned;
and not what we profess
but what we practice
that gives us integrity.

francis bacon, sr.

show

2010-10-08T09:50:00.001-05:00

it is our choices
that show
what we truly are,
far more than
our abilities.

j. k. rowling

turn

2010-04-12T10:21:00.003-05:00

a man who wants
to lead the orchestra
must turn his back
on the crowd.

max lucado

through

2010-04-02T09:48:00.000-05:00

the best way out
is always through.

robert frost

don't

2010-03-23T13:59:00.001-05:00

don't judge those
who try and fail,
judge those
who fail to try.

unknown

look

2010-03-19T09:31:00.001-05:00

don't look
where you fall,
but where
you slipped.

african proverb

the impact

2010-03-10T08:50:00.001-06:00

i love the simplicity of this video. another language? doesn't matter. you still get the point.

Van Marcke / Unicef from Peepshow Collective on Vimeo.

craftmanship

2010-02-03T12:00:00.000-06:00

interesting little short with great imagery and score.

MOMA - Midnight Over My Actions from Leandro Manuel Emede on Vimeo.

excuses, excuses

2010-01-26T10:04:00.001-06:00

bad excuses
are worse
than none.

thomas fuller

stupidity

2010-01-20T11:14:00.001-06:00

to forget
one's purpose
is the
commonest
form of
stupidity.

friedrich nietzsche

remember

2010-01-12T09:53:00.002-06:00

do not spoil
what you have
by desiring
what you have not;
remember
that what you
now have
was once among
the things
you only
hoped for.

epicurus

stop motion wonder

2010-01-08T16:44:00.000-06:00

Sorry I'm Late from Tomas Mankovsky on Vimeo.

stop motion music

2010-01-08T14:28:00.001-06:00

Stop Motion Music from lullatone on Vimeo.

barren

2010-01-06T10:22:00.000-06:00

beware of the
barrenness
of a busy life.

socrates

nothing

2009-12-15T10:32:00.001-06:00

there is nothing
in a caterpillar
that tells you
it's going to be
a butterfly.

buckminster fuller

essential

2009-12-14T12:03:00.001-06:00

the essential thing
is not knowledge,
but character.

joseph le conte

live

2009-12-11T09:38:00.000-06:00

the best way to
prepare for life
is to begin
to live.

elbert hubbard

the box

2009-12-09T15:33:00.001-06:00

outside the box from joseph Pelling on Vimeo.

hope

2009-12-09T10:58:00.000-06:00

hope is the dream
of a man awake.

french proverb

impression

2009-11-03T12:16:00.001-06:00

the secret of a good memory is attention,
and attention to a subject depends
upon our interest in it.
we rarely forget that which has made
a deep impression on our minds.

tryon edwards

happy

2009-10-10T00:42:00.002-05:00

when i was five years old,
my mom always told me
that happiness
was the key to life.

when i went to school,
they asked me what i wanted
to be when i grew up.
i wrote down "happy."

they told me i didn't
understand the assignment
and i told them they didn't
understand life.

anonymous

learn to manage

2009-10-08T10:28:00.000-05:00

explore

2009-10-05T11:10:00.001-05:00

capture from
'how to be an explorer'
by keri smith

whatever

2009-09-25T13:45:00.000-05:00

trust yourself
and believe.
whatever happens
don't give up.

william kamkwamba

prepared

2009-09-23T15:49:00.001-05:00

if you're not prepared
to be wrong,
you'll never come up
with anything original.

sir ken robinson

torn

2009-09-18T10:59:00.002-05:00

i arise in the morning
torn between a desire
to improve the world
and a desire to
enjoy the world.
This makes it hard
to plan the day.

e.b. white

writing

2009-09-04T09:21:00.001-05:00

dreams are illustrations...
from the book your soul
is writing about you.

marsha norman

crumbs

2009-08-27T10:59:00.001-05:00

all our words
are but crumbs
that fall down
from the feast
of the mind.

kahil gibran

take the time to wonder

2009-08-25T16:03:00.001-05:00

If i... from Tim Brown on Vimeo.

a good day

2009-08-25T15:54:00.001-05:00

they become

2009-08-20T09:40:00.006-05:00

carefully watch your thoughts,

for they become your words.

manage and watch your words,

for they will become your actions.

consider and judge your actions,

for they have become your habits.

acknowledge and watch your habits,

for they shall become your values.

understand and embrace your values,

for they become your destiny.

mohandas ghandi

wipe

2009-07-31T17:58:00.001-05:00

i heard a song today entitled “mark of cain” and it inspired some thinking. here are the lyrics.

>>>
some people need to believe
that seven days is all that it took
and on the eighth day he came down, he said
well, okay, so let’s take a look.

now i’m no great believer
and you’re no saint
but i put you up there on a pedestal
and i made you into something that you ain’t
i made you into something that you ain’t.

some people, well they thought that the earth was flat
some people still think there’s gold in them hills
and some people, well they get their kicks from television
and some people do it with pills
and some people think the end of the world is nigh
and they do what they have to do just to get by.

but i can see clearly now
to the end of the world
it’s where the land meets the sky
it’s where the land meets the sky.

you bathed me in light and you filled me with hope
your blazing blue eyes, like an up periscope
you fixed me in your gaze and you helped me to see
and you gave me air when i needed to breathe
no need to visit that planet called pain
as this time i won’t shrink away
i went and got myself a tattoo

and it’s not the mark of cain
it’s not the mark of cain
it’s not the mark of cain
it’s not the mark of cain

©2009 russell monk
>>>

in scripture, cain was marked by god. a mark that was permanent, unremovable and easily identifiable. in life, we (all) are “marked” as well. the marks might be physical wounds. or emotional wounds. they could be the consequences of our own bad decisions. or the decisions of others. they might even be known by the name of shame. and yet, i think it’s possible for us to wash these marks away. to get rid of them. sure, they might come back, but they last only as long as we allow them. once we heal, we actually have the ability to wipe them away and start clean.

i wonder just how many of us do wipe them away. and how many of us continue to carry them around for no good reason.

reminder

2009-07-26T19:55:00.001-05:00

i woke up with a swollen lip a couple of weeks ago and spent the next several days visiting the closest urgent care, buying and taking prescription drugs, and fighting the embarrassment of looking like i had been punched in the face. (i was mostly concerned about looking credible in an upcoming presentation.)

i soon discovered that it was an abscess and eventually had to have it drained. not the most pleasant experience, but not unbearable either. and it was at that moment – walking out of the clinic, holding a large piece of gauze to my lip – that i remembered friends i had made around the world, who have been living with bumps, burns, swelling, scars and a whole host of other visible ailments for years.

i quickly realized how important it is for me to discard the temporary packaging that god had given his creation and to work that much harder at discovering the gift within. not only with others, but also with myself. a great reminder.

in the know

2009-07-09T10:17:00.001-05:00

real knowledge
is to know the extent
of one's ignorance.

confucius

change the world around you (for good)

2009-06-27T14:29:00.001-05:00

Papiroflexia from Joaquin Baldwin on Vimeo.

too often

2009-05-28T16:37:00.003-05:00

too often we enjoy
the comfort of opinion
without the discomfort
of thought.

john f. kennedy

paying attention

2009-05-27T11:18:00.001-05:00

the moment one gives
close attention to any thing,
even a blade of grass
it becomes a mysterious,
awesome, indescribably
magnificent world in itself.

henry miller

tick tick tick tick

2009-05-12T16:31:00.003-05:00

i really need to start writing again. aargh.
image by jamesgulliverhancock

my friend, the thesaurus

2009-04-20T22:29:00.000-05:00

optimism over pessimism

2009-04-15T10:24:00.001-05:00

the average pencil
is seven inches long,
with just a
half-inch eraser –
in case you thought
optimism was dead.

robert brault

true you

2009-04-09T15:19:00.001-05:00

today you are you,
that is truer than true.
there is no one alive
who is youer than you.

dr. seuss

not but

2009-03-15T12:43:00.001-05:00

it's not what men eat,
but what they digest
that makes them strong;

not what we gain,
but what we save
that makes us rich;

not what we read,
but what we remember
that makes us learned;

not what we preach or pray,
but what we practice and believe
that makes us christians.

francis bacon

known

2009-03-10T22:47:00.002-05:00

it is a sad fate
for a man to die
too well known
to everybody else
and (yet) still
unknown
to himself.

francis bacon

the higher road

2009-03-02T10:39:00.002-06:00

south african archbishop
desmond tutu walked by
a construction site
on a temporary sidewalk
the width of one person.
a white man appeared
at the other end,
recognized tutu, and said,
"i don't make way for gorillas."
at which tutu stepped aside,
made a deep sweeping gesture,
and said, "ah, yes, but i do."

walter wink

>>>

i am not responsible
for what the other person
may or may not do.
i am only responsible
for me.

may i always take
the higher road.

sit

2009-02-27T09:51:00.002-06:00

happiness is
like a butterfly
which,
when pursued,
is always beyond
our grasp,
but,
if you will sit
down quietly,
may alight
upon you.

nathaniel hawthorne

question

2009-02-24T22:08:00.002-06:00

it is not enough
to be busy;
so are the ants.

the question is:
what are we
(am i)
busy about?

henry david thoreau

effect and cause

2009-02-15T11:37:00.003-06:00

what will the effects
of watching people die
around the world
cause you to do?

profound whatever

2009-02-05T11:16:00.001-06:00

you will be

2009-02-01T14:29:00.002-06:00

patiently we wait
as you develop to perfection
we are expectant
for the day of your
majestic arrival

we’ve never met
and yet we already converse
you move and we watch
you stretch and we touch
words without sound

a flawless impression
of your creator –
every detail unique
and ultimately
one-of-a-kind

we are humbled
silenced by awe
and thankful for the gift –
if for only a moment
we can claim as our own

you are little eu
you are little me
you are little us
soon,
you will be

keep your eyes on the tree

2009-01-25T11:19:00.003-06:00

character is like a tree
and reputation like its shadow.
the shadow is what we think of it;
the tree is the real thing.

abraham lincoln

fully alive

2009-01-18T22:35:00.000-06:00

i will not die an unlived life.
i will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
i choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
i choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

dawna markova

possibilities

2009-01-10T22:50:00.000-06:00

meant to shine

2009-01-09T22:17:00.002-06:00

"our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. we ask ourselves, "who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" actually, who are you not to be? you are a child of god. your playing small does not serve the world. there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. we are all meant to shine, as children do. we were born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us. it is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

marianne williamson

so big. and so simple.

2009-01-08T14:13:00.000-06:00

watch. think. act. #one

2009-01-07T11:34:00.000-06:00

watch. think. change. #one

2009-01-06T14:09:00.003-06:00

to understand

2008-10-29T19:11:00.001-05:00

i was reading a few interviews from thought leaders in the business sector and came across some great advice. one of the individuals interviewed was asked to share the best business advice he had ever received. he said it was the idea of something called “l.u.r.”

l.u.r. stands for listen, understand, and respond. this is the order in which and the process by which we should all operate. often, we listen and respond, but rarely do we take the time or have the desire to understand.

can you imagine how our responses would change if we would actually stop and try to understand first? perhaps in some cases, we wouldn’t respond at all. something to think about anyway.

untitled

2008-10-22T09:15:00.000-05:00

open your eyes
close your ears

close your ears
open your eyes

listen to the
words you see

you’re blind
to what you hear

listen to the
words you see

do not fear
the fruit beneath

reach for roots
beneath the trees

listen to the
words you seek

don’t listen to
a word they say

do not listen to
a word you’ve heard

do not listen to
a word you’ve heard

people are people
we live for our own

live how you think
not by what
you’ve been told

justin nozuka

what would it be like if we spent more time listening to the words we think and speak and less time listening to the words we hear. not that we shouldn’t listen. but what if we placed more of an emphasis on ourselves and less on others. taking more responsibility for our own actions.

can we use our senses in different ways? can we listen with our eyes? see with our ears? taste with our nose? or smell with our mouths? an interesting thought.

disconnected

2008-10-14T00:28:00.000-05:00

i’m feeling incredibly disconnected lately. disconnected from church. disconnected from others. disconnected from christians. disconnected from my faith. i think i’m just getting tired of so many things operating on the surface. i hate the surface. i understand the need for surface, but still dislike it quite a bit.

and i am starting to tire of loops. things that keep looping around and around and around. i want things to be fresh. not the routine of telling the same stories over and over again. not the routine of going through the same motions. but living life in the moment. actually participating in life rather than just observing. allowing my days to be more fluid and less structured.

i am feeling unsatisfied and yet content simultaneously and am unsure of its meaning or implications. sitting in it is not that big of a deal. in fact, i am enjoying that part of it – anticipating something to happen. some sort of epiphany or leading. a revelation of some kind. get this – i am trusting that my loss of faith will actually result in a strengthened faith. renewed. refreshed. clearer.

but the reality is that i’m losing faith in a lot of things. and given this time of the year and the nearing election, i am finding myself losing faith in people – especially americans. the division of our country based on political party is starting to disgust me. it’s us versus them, smearing of all kinds, finger-pointing, ripping, etcetera. everyone thinks that they are right and the other is wrong. hypocrisy rules and it’s saddening.

it seems like so many things that i’m encountering in the world lately are having a negative impact on me. the state of the world makes my head spin. politically motivated speeches and movies and commentary make my heart ache. simplified and echoing church speak leaves my soul empty. and the list goes on and on.

and so i wait. patiently. to find connections. or for connections to find me.

spinning

2008-10-09T16:44:00.001-05:00

i watched a movie with eu and the kids this weekend and heard a line that will stick with me for quite some time. it’s still spinning within me. and i’m not sure where it will stop. or live. or exit.

“it’s not the power of the curse. it’s the power one gives the curse.”

thoughts and words

2008-09-28T23:03:00.002-05:00

i am beginning to notice that the older i get, the more i stumble over my words. it’s as if my mind is working faster than my mouth and the words just can’t keep up with my thinking. i sometimes wonder what that means. perhaps i just need to slow down a bit. not only in my thinking, but as i do life in general. (that’s probably for another blog however.)

here are some things i wonder about. how well are my thoughts matching up with my words? how much time do i give to clearly articulating my thoughts and representing them accurately? or am i just rambling much of the time? or better put, how many words do my thoughts have? or should they have?

does the idea of using only a few words imply too much self-editing and a lack of transparency? and do too many words imply the exact opposite? i’m learning to use the right number of words. but it’s definitely a work in progress.

are you happy?

2008-09-23T21:34:00.007-05:00

i’ve been wondering why so many people i know are unhappy lately. unhappy with their jobs. unhappy in their relationships. unhappy with their possessions. unhappy with their faith. unhappy with their course in life. and ultimately, unhappy with life itself.

so i’m starting to ask the simple question, “are you happy?” and then i listen. my hope is that i’ll learn from others. from those who are happy. and those who are not. i never tire of learning. all the while, asking the same question of myself.

dramatic passion

2007-10-19T15:03:00.000-05:00

my wife and i picked up the munchkins on tuesday and headed for home before proceeding over to our brother and sister's place for quesadilla night. and as we entered our dwelling place, i could smell the sweet aroma of freshly baked brownies. apparently, my wife had just cooked a batch for the kids and i to snack on prior to dinner. (she's so amazing.)

it took a few minutes for the kids to realize that the brownies were there, but the moment they did, they both wrapped their arms around stepmom in a moment of triumph and joy and exhileration. (in fact, i think time may have stood still for a brief moment.) and then our youngest daughter – in a voice of sheer desperation – says, "i am begging you . . . please can i have some?"

that's when it hit me. i wish i could cry out in the same words and voice to my heavenly father, "i am begging you . . . please can i have some?" but i don't have that same passion for the spiritual right now. there is a part deep inside of me that wants it. i just don't feel it.

and so as i write this today, i cry out to the one who made and formed me, "i am begging you . . . please help me find that passion."

small moment number three

2007-10-14T10:33:00.001-05:00

at a wedding reception this weekend, i had the opportunity to tear it up on the dance floor with my wee ones. we danced fast. we danced crazy. and we danced slow. my oldest and i danced to a slow jazz tune in the traditional way – hand stretched out in hand and the others resting on either waist or shoulder. however, when it came time to slow dance with my youngest, i was expecting to pick her up and rock gently back and forth, much like we do at home sometimes. her arms wrapped around me tightly and her head resting tenderly on my shoulder. but she didn't want to be held this night. she wanted to dance the way that grown-ups do.

it was a hard moment for me. it felt like she was starting to pull away. almost as if she would have been embarrassed to be too close to her baba. and although i know that she was simply making a decision to act more grown-up and to dance the way that others were dancing that evening, my heart felt a tinch of sadness. a sadness that had just witnessed the process and quest for independence starting way too soon. god help me, as i search for the balance of encouraging independent thinking and maintaining connectedness and transparency with my munchkins. this will be hard. (pause.) really hard.

not a good small moment for me. not necessarily bad, but not good. i just hope that the one who loves me without any condition will bless us with more good small moments than those that fall into any other category.

(still processing.) small moment number three.

stirred

2007-10-13T11:59:00.000-05:00

the dust
of the path
stirs at
my feet
and rises all
around me –
filling the air
with traces
of those
who have
walked it
before.
and suddenly,
my steps
become less
of an activity
and more
of a significant
event –
where i now
feel a stirring
within.

changes

2007-10-07T11:04:00.000-05:00

wanting to write this morning, but not quite sure what to write about. as i look out the window and see the leaves changing color, i realize that there are things in me that i want to change. and things outside of me that i want to change. or at least influence in the direction of change. bogged down sometimes by the distractions of life, i miss listening to the voices that are crying out around me. there are some serious needs in the world. and as i sit and write this from the comfort of my own home, i feel a great sense of frustration that others are without so much. food. clothing. homes. love. friends. family. opportunity.

i often think about the way in which our leaders argue back and forth – trying to figure out and present the best approaches for solving things such as poverty. discussions around welfare. around job opportunities. around education. and yes, all of these things may be important. but who's right? the ideas in themselves are all good. but the ways of realizing them are often flawed. i hear people making some pretty serious statements. pros and cons with each approach. and i don't think there is anything wrong with analyzing the best way to help the world with its struggles. the point is to help, right? not necessarily how we help, but to help. and maybe that is the problem. we are consumed by the method instead of the task.

and then i think of jesus and his response to others in need. it's interesting, because i never saw jesus asking others to fill out some kind of application. or offering them a job in exchange for something. he would encourage others and acknowledge their strengths and abilities, but never withhold. he was a giver. meeting needs. speaking of wonders. teaching about the best ways to live. jesus saw the needs around him. and then he did something about them. he met them. not in their entirety. but one need at a time. may i meet the needs of others. and may i let go of my disappointment in not being able to change the world and rather find contentment in my ability to change small things. meeting the needs of those in whom i encounter – one need at a time.

no more than twelve

2007-09-27T21:44:00.000-05:00

he was young
but eloquent
in his choice
of words –

thank you
for taking
the time
to speak with us,
to listen to us,
to acknowledge us.
you are a
very kind man.

in silence,
i stood there –
realizing that
i should be
the one
thanking him
for inviting me
into his life.

small moment number two

2007-09-25T14:45:00.000-05:00

my wife will often ask me why i'm so cheerful in the morning. (well, not every morning, but some mornings.) and this morning i told her that it was simply the joy of the lord. (a bit of truth there. and a bit of sarcasm.) i then looked at her and said, "don't you have that joy?" shaking her head, she answered, "i do. just not right now."

small moment number two. (smiley face here.)

small moment number one

2007-09-16T11:16:00.000-05:00

my youngest daughter has started a journal of "small moments" as part of a routine for her second grade class. it's a pretty sweet idea where you log tiny moments of impact – random moments of impact – with the idea that one day, you will revisit them and utilize them as the inspiration for longer writing assignments.

i've decided that i would like to participate in this simple practice. here is my first attempt.

small moment number one. i'm eating lunch at the dining room table with my two daughters. and as my youngest daughter and i are engaged in a very deep discussion about who received more corn than the other. i explain that even though i may have received more in my first serving than she did, in fact, she received more in her second serving than i. with proud and conspiring eyes, and a look of satisfaction on her face, she responded, "good." it was her moment of victory. a moment where she came out ahead. and although i want to ensure that i do everything i can to help her understand that winning isn't always everything, i recognized this moment of playfulness and chuckled in unison with my oldest. may i never grow tired of eating a meal around the table with my daughters. the magnificent munchkins.

small moment number one.

a room in rutshuru

2007-09-11T10:10:00.000-05:00

i struggle
with the lock
on your door –
wiggling,
jiggling,
wondering why
i can’t convince you
to open –
fully capable
but still unable
when finally
we click.

you look old,
deteriorated,
used and
dirty.

and just as
my comfort
begins to feel
forsaken,
i realize
that what you offer
is better
than nine
out of ten
in this world.

humbled,
i comprehend that
i’ve just mistaken
the face
of wealth
for the face
of poverty.

power of touch

2007-09-06T21:46:00.001-05:00

holding hands,
we walk the road
as friends.
we’ve only
just met,
and yet i feel
as though
i’ve known you
all my life.

habition

2007-09-06T21:43:00.000-05:00

i've known for quite some time that i need to be writing again. writing as a means of expression. writing as an outlet. writing as a healthy means of exercise for the brain. the body. and the spirit. may tonight be the start of a habitual tradition. a habition.

questions (three of three)

2006-12-05T08:00:00.000-06:00

should we follow the promptings of our heart?
or should we follow the promptings of our mind?

time and experience have shown me that my heart has the ability to lead me in the right direction – provided that my motives are appropriate. it’s my heart that leads me and my mind that determines whether or not the motives are right and pure. if i want (or need) something and i have the ability to pursue it and it’s for all of the right reasons, then i think that i should go ahead and pursue. that doesn’t mean that i will necessarily get it. but i think that it would be acceptable to pursue it and then walk through the doors that open and try others when the ones before me close.

here is the problem though. too often, what we pursue is for all of the wrong reasons. why? because we have an incredible capacity to justify and to rationalize and to convince ourselves that what is wrong is really right. or at least not that bad. and too often, we ignore the checks and balances that we were created with because they keep us from getting our way.

when we have doubts about something, i think it’s because our heart and mind aren’t on the same page. that might be what they call a “gut check.” and when we have a funny feeling in our gut (or perhaps our soul), i think it’s because our body is telling us that something isn’t right.

giggling

2006-12-04T08:00:00.000-06:00

there we are, snuggling together, and she gets the giggles. funny thing, isn't it? how giggles are contagious. and before long, we're both giggling – uncontrollably giggling – and wondering if it will ever end.

questions (two of three)

2006-11-22T08:00:00.000-06:00

are our lives predestined?
or are we in control of our own destiny?

i think that god has a perfect plan for each one of us. but it’s hard for us to stay on course because we are human and we make mistakes. we are so easily distracted by things that aren’t good for us. and much too often, it takes a painful meandering for us to realize this. in fact, for most, it takes several painful meanderings.

i think this is easily understood by looking at the relationship between a parent and child. a parent wants the very best for his or her child. but they can’t force the child to do everything they want or to follow a course that has been mapped out for them. eventually the child will want to or need to find his or her own way. eventually they will have to take ownership of their own journey. and they will make mistakes. and they will wander off course. the desire of the parent is for their child to stay on track, but the reality is this – that track isn’t always clear. and sometimes the wrong track looks more appealing, even though the consequences are not.

the good news is that a healthy parent will stand by and support and encourage their child along the way, regardless of where they aim or where they go, or where they end up. and i think that god does the same thing with us. he knows what is best for us. he wants what is best for us. and he will lead us into those great things if we let him. but he will not force us to follow the path he has laid out for us. he gives us the ability to choose and simply walks with us along the way.

spinning

2006-10-23T08:00:00.000-05:00

world spins madly on
deb talan_steve tannen

woke up and wished that i was dead, with an aching in my head, i lay motionless in bed. i thought of you and where you'd gone, and let the world spin madly on. everything that i said i'd do, like make the world brand new, and take the time for you. i just got lost and slept right through the dawn, and the world spins madly on. i let the day go by. i always say goodbye. i watch the stars from my window sill. the whole world is moving and i'm standing still. woke up and wished that i was dead, with an aching in my head, i lay motionless in bed. the night is here and the day is gone, and the world spins madly on. i thought of you and where you'd gone, and the world spins madly on.

helpless

2006-10-12T11:56:00.000-05:00

there is not much
that i can do.

life has robbed her
of so many things
and yet she has
persevered.

she is an
amazing woman
because of it,
but she's tired.

i feel helpless
as i watch
from a distance.

everything and nothing

2006-10-12T11:53:00.000-05:00

her favorite part of the evening was the same as mine...sitting by the river, sipping a drink, and conversing. but it was her reason why that i liked so much. because we talked about everything and absolutely nothing at all.

questions (one of three)

2006-09-24T15:33:00.000-05:00

do things happen for a reason?
or do things happen by chance?

i think that everything happens for a reason. but there are different reasons. things present themselves as one of the following – a blessing, a test, or a distraction. and the bugger of it all is to figure out which is which.

we are all on a journey and many things and people and circumstances cross our paths. are they good things for us to receive and enjoy? are they things that are testing us to make us better individuals? or are they distractions that are meant to disrupt our journey? if we can figure out which is which, and then act accordingly, i think we can live very healthy and happy lives. if we don’t, then it becomes very easy to find ourselves in pain – burdened by guilt and hurt and doubt and hopelessness.

we can certainly mess things up. and we do. we mess things up all of the time. but i also believe that god can take any and all of our mistakes and turn them into something good. he can use any circumstance to make us better – even when we’ve jacked the whole thing up. god is oozing with grace. and we need to do the same. both for others and for ourselves. and i believe that this grace can provide us with the confidence that we need to get up, dust ourselves off, and get back on the path set out for us. we may need to go a different way. it may take a bit longer to get where we are going. but we can (and should) continue the journey. we can continue to move forward. and because of this, i think that there can always be a good and happy ending. a different ending than what was planned or expected? perhaps. but still a good and happy ending.

why do i believe this? because i’ve heard so many stories that confirm it. in fact, i even have my own stories to confirm it.

incomplete

2006-09-24T15:26:00.000-05:00

i’m realizing lately just how incomplete i really feel. sure, there are days when i feel happy, but there are so many where i just feel absolutely beat. defeated. empty and unable to find the answer. i wonder sometimes where i should even look to find what i seek. the problem is that i’m not really sure what it is i want. or what it is i need. and i wonder if this is something that i will need to accept and endure for the rest of my life. which seems somewhat weak.

untitled

2006-09-21T10:34:00.000-05:00

i never tire
of being in
your presence –
each and
every moment
unique and
remembered –
moments
i wish would
never end.

grinning

2006-09-06T23:25:00.000-05:00

my youngest daughter gave me an envelope the other day. she had written the word "dad" across the front and had placed a golden star where a stamp would typically go. inside was a note/drawing that she had prepared. it said "wild tiger" across the top. followed by a line that identified who it was "to" and who it was "from." and finally, in the middle of the page, she had drawn a heart with the words "wild tiger" repeated in its center and five exclamation points. i have absolutely no idea what she is referring to or intending with this note/drawing, but i was grinning from ear to ear. thanks kiddo.

distant

2006-09-05T00:02:00.000-05:00

i've been feeling a bit distant lately – spiritually. and i'm tired of christians. even christianity a bit. too many are following because everyone else is doing it. and it's more of a formula than anything personal. i guess it's that way for almost any religion – to some extent. but i'm growing weary. i want to break out of the crowd. and find those secret places that some say jesus was drawn to.

i read a book while i was in africa. it was called "the forbidden rumi: the suppressed poems of rumi on love, heresy, and intoxication." and although i didn't necessarily agree with everything (or understand everything for that matter), there were thoughts and overarching themes that hit home. this idea of becoming a heretic in the eyes of others because what you have is so personal and so intimate that it demands leaving the crowd. and it demands abandoning the formula. that resonates with me. and then there was the idea of dissolving into god – losing all of self and becoming one with our creator. (a bit mystic, but i'm intrigued.)

if i'm heading off course, go ahead and tell me. but please don't stop me for simply stepping off the path that everyone else is on.

>>>
here is an excerpt from rumi's book. not the excerpt i wanted to share, but all i could find online.

songs to shams, songs to god 6

what a story! you finally meet someone in whose presence you are transported to god. you immediately go off together, hand in hand, and shut yourself off from the world behind the closed doors of your retreat room. over the weeks and months to follow, you dissolve into each other through simply sitting in each other's presence, gazing raptly at each other. (when god sits down before you, where else would you want to look?) when you emerge from your retreat, you are fundamentally different from the person who entered it so many months before. the only sane thing to do after an event like this is to live happily ever after, yes? but it wasn't like that.

rumi may have entered into retreat with shams as a kind of devout shepherd, looking after his flock of followers, but he emerged as a hungry wolf, exhorting people to drop their pretenses, move beyond their rigid adherence to the outward forms of religion, and enter instead into a direct experience of god.

rumi wanted the townspeople of konya to recognize shams as he had come to know and see him: as a direct conduit to the divine. for rumi, shams was a funnel that led to god. exposed to the heat of shams' presence, rumi would simply melt, and the mixture of the two souls would take both into the consciousness of union. this is what true religion is all about, and rumi fully expected his former followers to leap into the divine fire with him.

their response instead was to react mostly with criticism and outrage to the perceived heresy of two souls merging into the one god. for the orthodox mind, it is accepted that the founder of the religion would have had a direct encounter with the energies of god, but not, evidently, anyone else. the negativity around the companionship between rumi and shams grew so large that shams had no choice but to leave, and rumi fell apart with grief.

it's not about me

2006-08-28T23:54:00.000-05:00

i was sitting in church last night observing the stained glass image that is projected onto the wall each week and had the following thoughts. stained glass is beautiful. but it's beauty typically comes from both the pattern that is created from the various pieces of glass working together and the rays of color that are projected as light passes through them. if you isolate two or three pieces and look at them alone, the glass is not nearly as impressive. and without the light, the glass can often seem dull and uninteresting.

and then i started thinking about my life. how there are so many components in my life that all look so different from one another. some are good. some are bad. some are large. some are small. they are just a bunch of fragments pushed up against one another. and by themselves, they aren't that impressive. in fact, many of the pieces that make up my life are cracked or broken. and yet when god's light shines through me, it has a way of making everything look pretty good. people aren't as prone to notice all of the cracks or the broken pieces or even the fact that a certain two or three don't really go together. instead they see the splendor of that which is working in me and through me. and i realize (again) that it's never really about me.

africa

2006-08-28T23:41:00.000-05:00

i recently returned from a trip to goma – a large city of eight-hundred thousand in the democratic republic of congo. an amazing trip that filled my life with stories and sounds and smells and experiences that i will never forget. i've been out of touch for awhile, but now i've returned. thanks for your patience.

for those of you interested, i did write quite a bit of prose and poetry documenting my experiences during my time away. most of these writings are posted at http://www.peripheralinafrica.blogspot.com. feel free to visit if you would like.

simply living (with burns to prove it)

2006-06-28T22:13:00.000-05:00

i’ve been busy lately. too busy to write. but not to busy to think. and one of the things that i’ve been thinking about is goals. a potential employer asked that i fill out a questionnaire that specifically addressed the goals that i have set for my future – both in the short-term and the long-term, both work-related and personal. and after a bit of time, i found that there were several personal goals that i could set for myself.

the two goals that have seemed to make the most impact, or at least taken up an active space in my brain, and the following.

one. i would like to lose my inhibitions and
act more like a kid around my kids.

two. i would like to do a better job of living
in the moment.

setting goals in the past has often proved pointless as other things get in the way of fulfilling them or they are intentionally (or unintentionally) set to the side for a variety of reasons. but these are two that i would like to fulfill. and i’ve already started.

it was a warm, sunday evening and the faith community that i’m a part of was meeting at a local bandshell instead of its typical, weekly location. this was the second week that we had decided to meet outdoors and on this particular week, the staff had decided to rent one of those inflatable obstacle course/slide contraptions for the kids to use both before and after the worship experience. and they did. but a few of us adults decided that we needed to use it too.

so after the service ended, a group of us made our way over to this amazing piece of equipment and proceeded to race each other through the initial opening, interior obstacles, short climbing wall, and down the slide. we raced and we raced and we raced. and i won and i won and i won. i must have gone through that thing twenty to thirty times. the fact that i won really didn’t matter. it was the fact that i kept going through. running like crazy. flipping in the air. acquiring rug (plastic) burns along my arms. smiling and laughing the entire time. i didn’t care what people were thinking. i was having a blast. and i was living in the moment.

it may seem silly, but this was actually a powerful time for me. a time of redefining who i am. a time of letting go. a time of release. and the best part about it all was that i recognized that i was fulfilling two of my most recent goals.

yes, i was losing my inhibitions. yes, i was living in the moment. but more importantly, i was simply living. i was experiencing life in a deep and meaningful way.

may i continue to experience this life. may i continue to live. and may i enjoy it all.

autobiography in five short chapters

2006-06-03T18:00:00.000-05:00

one.
i walk down the street.
there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
i fall in.
i am lost and i am helpless.
it isn’t my fault.
it takes forever to find a way out.

two.
i walk down the same street.
there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
i pretend i don’t see it.
i fall in again.
i can’t believe i am in the same place.
but it isn’t my fault.
it still takes a long time to get out.

three.
i walk down the same street.
there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
i see it there.
i still fall in.
it’s a habit.
my eyes are open.
i know where i am.
it is my fault.
i get out immediately.

four.
i walk down the same street.
there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
i walk around it.

five.
i walk down a different street.

author unknown

closure

2006-05-29T15:00:00.000-05:00

“it’s important in life to conclude things properly. only then can you let go. otherwise, you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse.”
yann martel

tingle

2006-05-09T08:00:00.000-05:00

the sun
kissed my
forehead
this morning
and i can
still feel
the tingle
of her lips.

stop shrugging

2006-05-08T10:00:00.000-05:00

i’ve been thinking about how much i take for granted the compliments and encouraging words of those around me. it hit me this weekend while i allowed the munchkins to take turns riding in the front seat of our vehicle. it was an interesting thing to watch, as they explored all of their new surroundings and asked questions about which buttons did what. and then, there were moments where time seemed to literally stand still as they would look up at me, beaming with happiness, and grinning from ear to ear. it was precious.

i would compliment them often. and they would soak it in. it was great. but then it hit me. as i thought about this, i started to realize that way too often, when those closest to me are complimentary about my talents or gifts or creativity or whatever, i tend to shrug it off. it doesn’t take. or stick. or soak in. i often feel as if they are simply saying it because they feel like they are supposed to. it’s the right thing to do. it’s nice. the phrases, “they’re just being supportive” or “they’re just trying to encourage me” race through my mind. and yet when someone in my field of work (a complete stranger) compliments my abilities, i buy it, because i think that they are somehow more in tune with me. (this is where i stop and scratch my head.) why is that? why do we tend to listen to strangers and ignore those that are the closest to us.

well, all of these thoughts rambled through my brain and ended here...i hope that my daughters will always hear and believe the words of life that i speak into them. the words of encouragement. the words of support. may they always hear that they are incredible. that they are amazing. that they are fantastic creations who have the potential to do unbelievable things. and even though i am close to them, may they still believe it.

along life's way

2006-05-03T15:00:00.000-05:00

i’m reading a book and thinking outside of the box. we are so divided – as people, genders, cultures, religions, etcetera. why? why are we so divided? do we get hung up on preferences? beliefs? opinions? desires? egos? too often, i’m distracted by things that don’t matter. i want to see the truth in everything. or at least take the time to search for it.

“we are all born like catholics, aren’t we – in limbo, without religion, until some figure introduces us to god? after that meeting the matter ends for most of us. if there is a change, it is usually for the lesser rather than the greater; many people seem to lose god along life’s way. that was not my case. the figure in question for me was an older sister of mother’s, of a more traditional mind, who brought me to a temple when i was a small baby. auntie rohini was delighted to meet her newborn nephew and she thought she would include mother goddess in the delight. ‘it will be his symbolic first outing,’ she said. ‘it’s a samskara!’ symbolic indeed. we were in madurai; i was the fresh veteran of a seven-hour train journey. no matter. off we went on this hindu rite of passage, mother carrying me, auntie propelling her. i have no conscious memory of this first go-around in a temple, but some smell of incense, some play of light and shadow, some flame, some burst of colour, something of the sultriness and mystery of the place must have stayed with me. a germ of religious exaltation, no bigger than a mustard seed, was sown in me and left to germinate. it has never stopped growing since that day.” yann martel

nothing

2006-05-02T21:00:00.000-05:00

i attended a spiritual retreat back in november that focused primarily on slowing down – acknowledging that many of us have been consumed with movement and action and being busy. at the end of the retreat, we were encouraged to write something on a piece of paper, place it in a self-addressed envelope, and drop it in a basket. it would be mailed to us in a few months. i just received that letter today and this is what it said.

it’s okay to sit
in silence
and feel like
you’ve done
absolutely
nothing.
for in doing
nothing
for god,
you have
done more
with him
than you could
have ever
imagined.

perch

2006-04-27T18:15:00.000-05:00

there’s a beautiful butterfly
that comes near
and then flutters away
as i wait patiently

i hold out my hand –
hopeful for the day
it will perch
on the tip of my finger

© 2006 kris e. lindquist