closure

“it’s important in life to conclude things properly. only then can you let go. otherwise, you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse.”
yann martel

tingle

the sun
kissed my
forehead
this morning
and i can
still feel
the tingle
of her lips.

stop shrugging

i’ve been thinking about how much i take for granted the compliments and encouraging words of those around me. it hit me this weekend while i allowed the munchkins to take turns riding in the front seat of our vehicle. it was an interesting thing to watch, as they explored all of their new surroundings and asked questions about which buttons did what. and then, there were moments where time seemed to literally stand still as they would look up at me, beaming with happiness, and grinning from ear to ear. it was precious.

i would compliment them often. and they would soak it in. it was great. but then it hit me. as i thought about this, i started to realize that way too often, when those closest to me are complimentary about my talents or gifts or creativity or whatever, i tend to shrug it off. it doesn’t take. or stick. or soak in. i often feel as if they are simply saying it because they feel like they are supposed to. it’s the right thing to do. it’s nice. the phrases, “they’re just being supportive” or “they’re just trying to encourage me” race through my mind. and yet when someone in my field of work (a complete stranger) compliments my abilities, i buy it, because i think that they are somehow more in tune with me. (this is where i stop and scratch my head.) why is that? why do we tend to listen to strangers and ignore those that are the closest to us.

well, all of these thoughts rambled through my brain and ended here...i hope that my daughters will always hear and believe the words of life that i speak into them. the words of encouragement. the words of support. may they always hear that they are incredible. that they are amazing. that they are fantastic creations who have the potential to do unbelievable things. and even though i am close to them, may they still believe it.

along life's way

i’m reading a book and thinking outside of the box. we are so divided – as people, genders, cultures, religions, etcetera. why? why are we so divided? do we get hung up on preferences? beliefs? opinions? desires? egos? too often, i’m distracted by things that don’t matter. i want to see the truth in everything. or at least take the time to search for it.

“we are all born like catholics, aren’t we – in limbo, without religion, until some figure introduces us to god? after that meeting the matter ends for most of us. if there is a change, it is usually for the lesser rather than the greater; many people seem to lose god along life’s way. that was not my case. the figure in question for me was an older sister of mother’s, of a more traditional mind, who brought me to a temple when i was a small baby. auntie rohini was delighted to meet her newborn nephew and she thought she would include mother goddess in the delight. ‘it will be his symbolic first outing,’ she said. ‘it’s a samskara!’ symbolic indeed. we were in madurai; i was the fresh veteran of a seven-hour train journey. no matter. off we went on this hindu rite of passage, mother carrying me, auntie propelling her. i have no conscious memory of this first go-around in a temple, but some smell of incense, some play of light and shadow, some flame, some burst of colour, something of the sultriness and mystery of the place must have stayed with me. a germ of religious exaltation, no bigger than a mustard seed, was sown in me and left to germinate. it has never stopped growing since that day.” yann martel

nothing

i attended a spiritual retreat back in november that focused primarily on slowing down – acknowledging that many of us have been consumed with movement and action and being busy. at the end of the retreat, we were encouraged to write something on a piece of paper, place it in a self-addressed envelope, and drop it in a basket. it would be mailed to us in a few months. i just received that letter today and this is what it said.

it’s okay to sit
in silence
and feel like
you’ve done
absolutely
nothing.
for in doing
nothing
for god,
you have
done more
with him
than you could
have ever
imagined.