world spins madly on
deb talan_steve tannen
woke up and wished that i was dead, with an aching in my head, i lay motionless in bed. i thought of you and where you'd gone, and let the world spin madly on. everything that i said i'd do, like make the world brand new, and take the time for you. i just got lost and slept right through the dawn, and the world spins madly on. i let the day go by. i always say goodbye. i watch the stars from my window sill. the whole world is moving and i'm standing still. woke up and wished that i was dead, with an aching in my head, i lay motionless in bed. the night is here and the day is gone, and the world spins madly on. i thought of you and where you'd gone, and the world spins madly on.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Thursday, October 12, 2006
helpless
there is not much
that i can do.
life has robbed her
of so many things
and yet she has
persevered.
she is an
amazing woman
because of it,
but she's tired.
i feel helpless
as i watch
from a distance.
that i can do.
life has robbed her
of so many things
and yet she has
persevered.
she is an
amazing woman
because of it,
but she's tired.
i feel helpless
as i watch
from a distance.
everything and nothing
her favorite part of the evening was the same as mine...sitting by the river, sipping a drink, and conversing. but it was her reason why that i liked so much. because we talked about everything and absolutely nothing at all.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
questions (one of three)
do things happen for a reason?
or do things happen by chance?
i think that everything happens for a reason. but there are different reasons. things present themselves as one of the following – a blessing, a test, or a distraction. and the bugger of it all is to figure out which is which.
we are all on a journey and many things and people and circumstances cross our paths. are they good things for us to receive and enjoy? are they things that are testing us to make us better individuals? or are they distractions that are meant to disrupt our journey? if we can figure out which is which, and then act accordingly, i think we can live very healthy and happy lives. if we don’t, then it becomes very easy to find ourselves in pain – burdened by guilt and hurt and doubt and hopelessness.
we can certainly mess things up. and we do. we mess things up all of the time. but i also believe that god can take any and all of our mistakes and turn them into something good. he can use any circumstance to make us better – even when we’ve jacked the whole thing up. god is oozing with grace. and we need to do the same. both for others and for ourselves. and i believe that this grace can provide us with the confidence that we need to get up, dust ourselves off, and get back on the path set out for us. we may need to go a different way. it may take a bit longer to get where we are going. but we can (and should) continue the journey. we can continue to move forward. and because of this, i think that there can always be a good and happy ending. a different ending than what was planned or expected? perhaps. but still a good and happy ending.
why do i believe this? because i’ve heard so many stories that confirm it. in fact, i even have my own stories to confirm it.
or do things happen by chance?
i think that everything happens for a reason. but there are different reasons. things present themselves as one of the following – a blessing, a test, or a distraction. and the bugger of it all is to figure out which is which.
we are all on a journey and many things and people and circumstances cross our paths. are they good things for us to receive and enjoy? are they things that are testing us to make us better individuals? or are they distractions that are meant to disrupt our journey? if we can figure out which is which, and then act accordingly, i think we can live very healthy and happy lives. if we don’t, then it becomes very easy to find ourselves in pain – burdened by guilt and hurt and doubt and hopelessness.
we can certainly mess things up. and we do. we mess things up all of the time. but i also believe that god can take any and all of our mistakes and turn them into something good. he can use any circumstance to make us better – even when we’ve jacked the whole thing up. god is oozing with grace. and we need to do the same. both for others and for ourselves. and i believe that this grace can provide us with the confidence that we need to get up, dust ourselves off, and get back on the path set out for us. we may need to go a different way. it may take a bit longer to get where we are going. but we can (and should) continue the journey. we can continue to move forward. and because of this, i think that there can always be a good and happy ending. a different ending than what was planned or expected? perhaps. but still a good and happy ending.
why do i believe this? because i’ve heard so many stories that confirm it. in fact, i even have my own stories to confirm it.
incomplete
i’m realizing lately just how incomplete i really feel. sure, there are days when i feel happy, but there are so many where i just feel absolutely beat. defeated. empty and unable to find the answer. i wonder sometimes where i should even look to find what i seek. the problem is that i’m not really sure what it is i want. or what it is i need. and i wonder if this is something that i will need to accept and endure for the rest of my life. which seems somewhat weak.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
untitled
i never tire
of being in
your presence –
each and
every moment
unique and
remembered –
moments
i wish would
never end.
of being in
your presence –
each and
every moment
unique and
remembered –
moments
i wish would
never end.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
grinning
my youngest daughter gave me an envelope the other day. she had written the word "dad" across the front and had placed a golden star where a stamp would typically go. inside was a note/drawing that she had prepared. it said "wild tiger" across the top. followed by a line that identified who it was "to" and who it was "from." and finally, in the middle of the page, she had drawn a heart with the words "wild tiger" repeated in its center and five exclamation points. i have absolutely no idea what she is referring to or intending with this note/drawing, but i was grinning from ear to ear. thanks kiddo.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
distant
i've been feeling a bit distant lately – spiritually. and i'm tired of christians. even christianity a bit. too many are following because everyone else is doing it. and it's more of a formula than anything personal. i guess it's that way for almost any religion – to some extent. but i'm growing weary. i want to break out of the crowd. and find those secret places that some say jesus was drawn to.
i read a book while i was in africa. it was called "the forbidden rumi: the suppressed poems of rumi on love, heresy, and intoxication." and although i didn't necessarily agree with everything (or understand everything for that matter), there were thoughts and overarching themes that hit home. this idea of becoming a heretic in the eyes of others because what you have is so personal and so intimate that it demands leaving the crowd. and it demands abandoning the formula. that resonates with me. and then there was the idea of dissolving into god – losing all of self and becoming one with our creator. (a bit mystic, but i'm intrigued.)
if i'm heading off course, go ahead and tell me. but please don't stop me for simply stepping off the path that everyone else is on.
>>>
here is an excerpt from rumi's book. not the excerpt i wanted to share, but all i could find online.
songs to shams, songs to god 6
what a story! you finally meet someone in whose presence you are transported to god. you immediately go off together, hand in hand, and shut yourself off from the world behind the closed doors of your retreat room. over the weeks and months to follow, you dissolve into each other through simply sitting in each other's presence, gazing raptly at each other. (when god sits down before you, where else would you want to look?) when you emerge from your retreat, you are fundamentally different from the person who entered it so many months before. the only sane thing to do after an event like this is to live happily ever after, yes? but it wasn't like that.
rumi may have entered into retreat with shams as a kind of devout shepherd, looking after his flock of followers, but he emerged as a hungry wolf, exhorting people to drop their pretenses, move beyond their rigid adherence to the outward forms of religion, and enter instead into a direct experience of god.
rumi wanted the townspeople of konya to recognize shams as he had come to know and see him: as a direct conduit to the divine. for rumi, shams was a funnel that led to god. exposed to the heat of shams' presence, rumi would simply melt, and the mixture of the two souls would take both into the consciousness of union. this is what true religion is all about, and rumi fully expected his former followers to leap into the divine fire with him.
their response instead was to react mostly with criticism and outrage to the perceived heresy of two souls merging into the one god. for the orthodox mind, it is accepted that the founder of the religion would have had a direct encounter with the energies of god, but not, evidently, anyone else. the negativity around the companionship between rumi and shams grew so large that shams had no choice but to leave, and rumi fell apart with grief.
i read a book while i was in africa. it was called "the forbidden rumi: the suppressed poems of rumi on love, heresy, and intoxication." and although i didn't necessarily agree with everything (or understand everything for that matter), there were thoughts and overarching themes that hit home. this idea of becoming a heretic in the eyes of others because what you have is so personal and so intimate that it demands leaving the crowd. and it demands abandoning the formula. that resonates with me. and then there was the idea of dissolving into god – losing all of self and becoming one with our creator. (a bit mystic, but i'm intrigued.)
if i'm heading off course, go ahead and tell me. but please don't stop me for simply stepping off the path that everyone else is on.
>>>
here is an excerpt from rumi's book. not the excerpt i wanted to share, but all i could find online.
songs to shams, songs to god 6
what a story! you finally meet someone in whose presence you are transported to god. you immediately go off together, hand in hand, and shut yourself off from the world behind the closed doors of your retreat room. over the weeks and months to follow, you dissolve into each other through simply sitting in each other's presence, gazing raptly at each other. (when god sits down before you, where else would you want to look?) when you emerge from your retreat, you are fundamentally different from the person who entered it so many months before. the only sane thing to do after an event like this is to live happily ever after, yes? but it wasn't like that.
rumi may have entered into retreat with shams as a kind of devout shepherd, looking after his flock of followers, but he emerged as a hungry wolf, exhorting people to drop their pretenses, move beyond their rigid adherence to the outward forms of religion, and enter instead into a direct experience of god.
rumi wanted the townspeople of konya to recognize shams as he had come to know and see him: as a direct conduit to the divine. for rumi, shams was a funnel that led to god. exposed to the heat of shams' presence, rumi would simply melt, and the mixture of the two souls would take both into the consciousness of union. this is what true religion is all about, and rumi fully expected his former followers to leap into the divine fire with him.
their response instead was to react mostly with criticism and outrage to the perceived heresy of two souls merging into the one god. for the orthodox mind, it is accepted that the founder of the religion would have had a direct encounter with the energies of god, but not, evidently, anyone else. the negativity around the companionship between rumi and shams grew so large that shams had no choice but to leave, and rumi fell apart with grief.
Monday, August 28, 2006
it's not about me
i was sitting in church last night observing the stained glass image that is projected onto the wall each week and had the following thoughts. stained glass is beautiful. but it's beauty typically comes from both the pattern that is created from the various pieces of glass working together and the rays of color that are projected as light passes through them. if you isolate two or three pieces and look at them alone, the glass is not nearly as impressive. and without the light, the glass can often seem dull and uninteresting.
and then i started thinking about my life. how there are so many components in my life that all look so different from one another. some are good. some are bad. some are large. some are small. they are just a bunch of fragments pushed up against one another. and by themselves, they aren't that impressive. in fact, many of the pieces that make up my life are cracked or broken. and yet when god's light shines through me, it has a way of making everything look pretty good. people aren't as prone to notice all of the cracks or the broken pieces or even the fact that a certain two or three don't really go together. instead they see the splendor of that which is working in me and through me. and i realize (again) that it's never really about me.
and then i started thinking about my life. how there are so many components in my life that all look so different from one another. some are good. some are bad. some are large. some are small. they are just a bunch of fragments pushed up against one another. and by themselves, they aren't that impressive. in fact, many of the pieces that make up my life are cracked or broken. and yet when god's light shines through me, it has a way of making everything look pretty good. people aren't as prone to notice all of the cracks or the broken pieces or even the fact that a certain two or three don't really go together. instead they see the splendor of that which is working in me and through me. and i realize (again) that it's never really about me.
africa
i recently returned from a trip to goma – a large city of eight-hundred thousand in the democratic republic of congo. an amazing trip that filled my life with stories and sounds and smells and experiences that i will never forget. i've been out of touch for awhile, but now i've returned. thanks for your patience.
for those of you interested, i did write quite a bit of prose and poetry documenting my experiences during my time away. most of these writings are posted at http://www.peripheralinafrica.blogspot.com. feel free to visit if you would like.
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