day eight

just thoughts today, but i welcome new thoughts. am i praying the wrong prayer? has terry led me astray? if i am truly setting aside my own spiritual agenda to make room for god’s, why am i asking him to reveal it in only one way – through surprise? what if he has a different way? isn’t what i’m really after just to let him lead me into his will?

i was thinking about this tonight and for a moment, wondered if the real purpose of this experiment was simply to show me how off-course i am. but then i wondered if that was even a factor. sometimes i can get so wrapped up in the things that don’t matter, that i lose sight of what really does. do you think god really wants to show me how off-course i am? or does he just want me to follow him? think about it – if i’m too busy looking at the course, then how can i truly be looking at him? i think my prayer for the next 22 days should really be “lead me god,” and if that includes surprises, cool.

okay, so i have you thinking that i’m going to change my prayer from “surprise me god” to “lead me god,” right? i doubt that will happen. instead, i will most likely end up saying both prayers. in fact, i have already been saying another prayer for the last several weeks and simply added this new “surprise me god” prayer to that prayer eight days ago. but maybe i’m onto something. maybe that is part of god’s will for me. maybe he is leading me into saying a hundred little prayers at the beginning of each day – prayers like “refresh me god,” “free me god,” “comfort me god,” “show me god,” “knock my shoes, my socks, my pants, and my shirt (but please don’t mess with my undergarments) off god.” i’ll have to give this some more thought.

i promised those who are following along another poem that surprised me yesterday. it was the last poem that i stumbled upon as i was skimming through a book of african-american poets. i’m not sure when exactly the author of this poem lived, but it was prior to the 1964 copyright of the book. i’m amazed at what the writer was able to see under the circumstances. i pray that i can see this every day for the rest of my life.

this morning (jay wright)

this morning i threw the windows
of my room open, the light burst
in like crystal gauze and i hung
it on my wall to frame.
and here i am watching it take possession
of my room, watching the obscure love
match of light and shadow – of cold and warmth.
it is a matter of acceptance, i guess.
it is a matter of finding some room
with shadows to embrace, open. Now
the light has settled in, i don’t think
i shall ever close my windows again.

god, may you take possession of all my darkness in the loving embrace that only your light can bring. and may i never close my windows again.