weekend one

i’m learning to look a little bit differently and finding myself much more surprised. part of me is still trying to find those big surprises that god has waiting for me – as if i’m going to miss them (or rather, as if i am missing them already). and the other part is starting to see the glimpses of god that he is (and has been) desiring me to see all along. they aren’t grand and spectacular, but simple – very simple.

i saw god on saturday in both of my daughters. the oldest befriended a little girl at the park and offered to push her on the tire swing so that she could focus on enjoying the experience. she wasn’t at all concerned about when she would get to ride, she was simply happy making the experience enjoyable for someone else. wow, that was god. my youngest created pictures for each member of her family – pictures that included the subject and something enjoyable that they might be doing. (insert any astonishing phrase you wish here, like “holy crap” or “oh my goodness”), i just realized that she drew a picture of me walking in the rain – as if she can sense that i’m going through something. wow, how can that “not” be god. okay, there’s my first big surprise.

today, i was surprised to hear a really good sermon at another church i attend on sunday mornings. it was powerful and spoke directly into my life. most sunday mornings, i leave feeling like i’ve listened to the same broken record – same sermon, just a different day. after lunch and a nap, i took a drive and ended up at lake harriet. i parked on the side of the road and spent a couple of hours reading. the first hour or so, i continued reading a book that i’ve already mentioned in an earlier blog called “a new kind of christian.” some of it went way over my head and other parts went straight to my heart. the second hour was spent in an old book i have entitled “new negro poets u.s.a.” it is a collection of several wonderful poets. and as i was reading, i found two poems that surprised me for different reasons. i thought that i would share them with you.

this first poem surprised me because i could completely relate with the content and it reminded me of my small, sweet surprise on friday. (don’t let the title worry you, that is not the part i am identifying with.)

preface to a twenty volume suicide note (leroi jones)

lately, i’ve become accustomed to the way
the ground opens up and envelops me
each time i go out to walk the dog.
or the broad edged silly music the wind
makes when i run for the bus –

things have come to that.

and now, each night i count the stars,
and each night i get the same number.
and when they will not come to be counted
i count the holes they leave.

nobody sings anymore.

and then last night, i tiptoed up
to my daughter’s room and heard her
talking to someone, and when i opened
the door, there was no one there . . .
only she on her knees,
peeking into her own clasped hands.

the second poem surprised me because it was the first poem in the book and already flagged as a favorite, but since i started in the back and moved my way to the front, it was the last poem that i saw. you know what, i think i will save the second poem for tomorrow’s entry. this blog is already way too long.