day one

nothing. absolutely nothing. it was a long day of work – stuck in the office for a little over twelve hours. i had a couple of meetings, a presentation, and some other odd things to do. by the end of the day, i was fried. it was about 8:30 p.m. when i actually left work and to be honest, i was both excited and terrified about leaving. since i had not experienced any kind of surprise during the day, i was anticipating something big to happen, perhaps on my way to the car. again, nothing.

i debated whether or not to stop by a surprise birthday party for a member of the community and ultimately decided to go for a bit. i'm not a big mingler – so these types of settings do not always bring out the best in me – but still i make the effort. i arrived at the party, said hello to the birthday boy, and then found a couple of familiar faces to chew the fat. i left my coat on the entire time and after fumbling over my words here and there, i finally decided to head home to have a late dinner and go to bed.

i think it was 11:30 p.m. when i finally laid down on my bed. i had eaten, washed a few dishes, picked up a couple of things around the apartment, and was ready for a good night sleep. although i was exhausted, i found it hard to sleep. i felt a certain level of disappointment. i was frustrated and discouraged and if completely honest, was feeling a bit let down by god. why wouldn't he surprise me? was i too absorbed in my day that i overlooked it or missed it? or could it be that he actually had no surprise for me. nothing? like i said, i was tired after the long day, but i began to recognize that i was tired of much more – tired of a variety of things in my life.

as i flopped onto the bed, tears began to form in each of my eyes and i found myself telling my heavenly papa exactly how i felt...disappointed, tired of stuff, frustrated, confused, etc. i know exactly what my voice said, but wonder what my spirit was actually saying. life seems thick to me at the moment. i understand my need to walk through it, yet it seems a bit tricky, with visibility limited and the outcomes unsure. my inclination is to move quickly, so that i don't get caught in a storm, but i am beginning to realize that god may want me to slow down instead...trusting him in the process, however long that may take.

so the day ends without a surprise. and i guess in some small way, that was my surprise.