day twenty-four

surprised by feelings and questions. i had a lot of feelings swirling within me today. i felt anticipation, empathy, distant, close, nervous, anxious, apprehensive, engaged, bold, confident, and uncertain. and i began to think about how jesus responded to these feelings. how did he process the everyday activities in his life? did he ever question his actions? the words that he spoke? were there ever conversations that kept playing over and over in his mind like a broken record? wondering how the outcome may have been different had he said something different? did he ever fumble over his words? or say something that perhaps he shouldn’t have? i do these things all of the time.

i’m also starting to wonder about how jesus reacted in worldly (probably not the right descriptor) situations. here’s an example. let’s say jesus is at a wedding ceremony and it’s the sixth day of the week-long celebration. the bride’s cousin, who is known to be extremely promiscuous, has had way too much to drink and is hitting on jesus in front of others. now, how does jesus respond? in his arrogance, does he consider himself better and walk away leaving her to feel empty? does he kiss her back when she comes on to him and wants a little action? is he concerned about what others are thinking? is he wrestling with how he should react? how others will view his response? and if i’ve invited jesus into my very being, then how can i make sure that my responses are being driven by him rather than me?

here is a thought (and i have no clue whether or not this is even close to being right). did jesus rely so heavily on the holy spirit – to go before him in preparation, to be with him in the midst of everything, and to clean up behind him – that he never had concern for the words that came out of his mouth? how his conversations began, developed, or concluded? did he ask and trust the holy spirit to be the interpreter of his every word? to be his translator? and not only in everything that he said, but in everything that he did, everything that he was? and do i have the very same access to that very same spirit?

god, help me to trust you in every situation. to trust you in every relationship. to trust you in every conversation. to trust you in every action. trust that you will package everything that i do and say to be exactly the way you would have it.