day twenty-two

surprised by freedom. i’m surprised by the way in which god is leading me to be free and to live in the moment. this is such a hard concept to grasp because it seems like i am always looking either ahead or behind. i miss so much. i try extremely hard to be fully present with people (when i am with them), but don’t always implement this practice in the rest of my daily life. i’m typically racing from one thing to the next and the reality is, that i rarely take the time to bask in the moment – to really enjoy those things that breathe life into me. well, it’s time to stop racing. and i think that god is trying to teach me more about that concept. i believe that he wants me to be less and less worried about the things that i’ve missed in the past as well as the things that may be approaching in the future, and instead, to simply focus on enjoying those things that i’m a part of “in the now.”

i unintentionally practiced this concept the other day and was so thankful that i had. in fact, i actually felt better for it. i had committed to attending an event and had planned on being there the entire day, but when the time came to hop in my car and go, i decided to continue in what i was already doing instead. now, please understand that i am not endorsing that people make commitments and then bail. that has happened to me (as the recipient of the cancellation) on many occasions and it has greatly impacted my capacity for hope on a yearly, monthly, weekly, and sometimes even daily basis. being let down does more harm than i think we realize. but we can discuss that another day.

i guess my point is this. i realized that the world would not stop spinning if i didn’t show up at this function. i realized that the event was not about me. and i realized that if god was leading me to continue in what i was already doing, then i needed to stay put and continue in the moment. this was definitely surprising...because when i say i will do something, i do it. when i make a commitment, i keep it. and i take it very seriously to be a man of my word and to follow through. but i am also learning more about freedom. and if that is the life that jesus spoke about as he walked among us on the face the earth, then i seem to be journeying in the right direction. god is changing me. and i am thankful.