small moment number three

at a wedding reception this weekend, i had the opportunity to tear it up on the dance floor with my wee ones. we danced fast. we danced crazy. and we danced slow. my oldest and i danced to a slow jazz tune in the traditional way – hand stretched out in hand and the others resting on either waist or shoulder. however, when it came time to slow dance with my youngest, i was expecting to pick her up and rock gently back and forth, much like we do at home sometimes. her arms wrapped around me tightly and her head resting tenderly on my shoulder. but she didn't want to be held this night. she wanted to dance the way that grown-ups do.

it was a hard moment for me. it felt like she was starting to pull away. almost as if she would have been embarrassed to be too close to her baba. and although i know that she was simply making a decision to act more grown-up and to dance the way that others were dancing that evening, my heart felt a tinch of sadness. a sadness that had just witnessed the process and quest for independence starting way too soon. god help me, as i search for the balance of encouraging independent thinking and maintaining connectedness and transparency with my munchkins. this will be hard. (pause.) really hard.

not a good small moment for me. not necessarily bad, but not good. i just hope that the one who loves me without any condition will bless us with more good small moments than those that fall into any other category.

(still processing.) small moment number three.