day three

not much, but something. i spent most of the day looking for some kind of dramatic surprise from god, but not really expecting it. not expecting it for a couple of reasons. first, there had been no surprises during the first two days, and as a result, i was starting to sense a shift in my feelings – slowly changing from discouragement to disbelief. i still wanted (and still do) something to surprise me, but my enthusiasm for the experiment was starting to fade. and second, i was starting to wonder if this whole idea of expecting these surprises to happen was in some small way prohibiting them from actually happening. was is simply an attempt to manipulate god into responding because i “expected” him too? and was he not responding because my motives were all messed up?

as i’ve mentioned previously, there seems to be a lot on my mind, and i’m starting to feel discontent in many areas of my life. i’m encouraged to know that discontentment can many times lead to some sort of re-evaluation, which in turn will lead to change (hopefully positive), but the going-through seems a bit foggy and often nebulous. it’s interesting, because i’m starting to even feel a bit of discontentment in my faith – which i think is actually one of the best things that could be happening to me. why? because it’s leading me into a phase of questioning what i know and searching for the things that i have yet to know. this realization finally hit me on tuesday night when i picked up a book that has been sitting on my nightstand for some time now. it’s called “a new kind of christian” and begins with the author identifying his discontentment with his job as a minister as well as his overall faith. perfect timing, eh? and what does all of this have to do with the experiment? i’m not sure – except that there seems to be some overlap in the way that i’m feeling about all of it.

okay, so back to the surprise. was it a surprise? or was it me latching on to something – so that i would feel like god had heard my prayer and responded. maybe a bit of both. why don’t you decide.

i was feeling a bit numb and apathetic, so i decided to get out of the office for awhile. my plan was to swing through taco bell for a couple of tacos and head over to the river to just sit and be. it seemed like a good diversion and in the back of my twisted little mind, i figured that i had at least a 50/50 chance of finding a surprise in one of my tacos (or any fast food in general). ha. anyway, as i was slowing down to make a right turn on broadway, in north minneapolis, i notice this 4 to 5 inch bubble floating along the sidewalk. it seemed very odd – a single bubble, all by itself, floating along. it floated for probably 5 seconds and then popped and disappeared. i quickly looked around for the source and found none. no one in sight. was this my surprise?

two thoughts hit me as i pontificated. the first is that i could sense god telling me to stop looking for him in the bubble, because he’s not there. well, he is there, but he’s also everywhere. you see, when that bubble popped and disappeared, it didn’t mean that the bubble was gone. the elements that formed the bubble where still either in the air or on the sidewalk, it’s just that they had separated so that their visual form could not be seen anymore. i keep looking for the “big” surprise, but god is everywhere. well, it seemed like a big thought, but something that i already knew. knowing and experiencing though are two different things. the bible verse that came to mind was the one about how jesus identified “seeing and believing” being a good thing but “not seeing and believing” being greater. all of that said, i still long to “see” and “experience” god in places that i haven’t before.

the second thought was this. kids like bubbles. in fact, they like a lot of things that adults have seemed to either give up or lost interest in. jesus talked about the importance of becoming like children in order to enter into the kingdom of god, and i wondered if i needed to become more kid-like before i would be able to see some of these surprises. hmmm, just a thought i guess.

perhaps the “something” was a little bigger than i thought.